Master Squid and the Exploding Elephant

Master Squid loved African elephants. He visited the zoo often to marvel at them. 

One day Master Squid decided to pay a visit to the zoo. He rode the SquidMobile to get there. By the time he arrived, it was raining. 

"DAMMIT! I LEFT MY IRON ON! Oh and it's raining too."

Master Squid sighed and drove back home. However, his home no longer existed. A giant mutant elephant stood at its place, debris underneath its feet. 

"MY HOUSE!!!"

Master Squid gasped. He stared with anger at the elephant. The elephant stared back. The elephant tooted and the area was filled with stinky gas. 

"Ugh! You're such a useless elephant. That was a floccinaucinihiliplification by the way."

The elephant grew angry. It had no idea what that word meant and it was angry that a stupid squid knew! The elephant finally spoke.

"I am the great and powerful EXPLODING ELEPHANT! Bow down to me or I shall destroy this town with my power!

"NO! That was a holophrase by the way."

The elephant tackled him. Master Squid's siphon broke under the weight of the elephant. He used his telethesia to lift the elephant off of his siphon. Master Squid quickly dug a 500 foot deep hole and placed the elephant inside. 

"ARGH! LET ME OUT OF THIS HOLE! I'M GOING TO EXPLODE!"

There was a loud BOOM! (That was a holophrase too) Master Squid was thrown back from the blast's impact. After the smoke cleared up, in the hole, there were the remains of an elephant carcass. 

"Sad sad. He died so soon. Oh well. It can't be helped."

And like that, MASTER SQUID SAVED THE DAY AGAIN! (That was also a holophrase)

THE END

Master Squid and the Dust Cleaner of Doom

Master Squid and the Dust Cleaner of Doom
Master Squid hated dust. Which meant that he hated dust cleaners more...because if he ever needed to use a dust cleaner, that meant that there was dust. The reason why he hated dust was a long story.
It was the last day of school back in 1938. It was the times of the Great Depression, and Master Squid's family was one of the ones that were hit the hardest. His two oldest siblings, Mister Squid and Macker Squid, were able to attend school while the other forty-seven children had to scavenge for food on the streets. Master Squid was the twenty-fourth oldest. And everyone knows that the twenty-fourth oldest would always grow up into a dust-keeper. And so, Master Squid's parents always taught him how to perfectly dust their Hooverville shack. Master Squid enjoyed learning to dust with his parents. It was a way to bond with them. But one day, Master Squid's parents were arrested for shoplifting in a grocery store. Master Squid knew they were innocent. Afterall, they were with him the entire day reminding him how to pat off dirt from carpets. But the judge would not listen.
Master Squid's parents were executed.

Master Squid's Mother

source: www.ettabinthecity.com

Master Squid vowed to get revenge on dust. And you might be wondering "Why not vow revenge on the judge that ordered his parents to die?". But dear audience, the title clearly says "Dust Cleaner of Doom". We can't forget that the story has to be about dust. And also because this is a weird-ass blog and logic doesn't work here. I mean, THIS BLOG IS ABOUT A MYSTICAL SQUID! What did you expect?

Master Squid ran away from his Hooverville shack a week after his parents died, leaving his 48 siblings. He lived on the streets of a nearby city, selling gum and soda on the streets to make a living. And now, he is a successful squid and his occupation is: a hero that really doesn't save anyone or anything. Rather, he's the one who needs the saving but no matter!

Master Squid sat down in his couch and turned on the TV. The TV screen played a commercial for dust cleaners.

"ARGH! I HATE THIS TV! WHY DOES IT KEEP PLAYING THE WORST THINGS! FIRST KIMBA AND NOW DUST!"

Master Squid threw a rock at the TV, shattering the screen. However, when the screen shattered, an object rolled out of the TV. It was a dust cleaner. Master Squid gasped. It was a vile thing, so helpless on the ground. And worst of all, it was purple! Master Squid hatede the color purple (although some squids have a purplish hue). Suddenly the dust cleaner got up.

"I am the Dust Cleaner of Doom! But you can call of John Mayor Blanca Enrique de Las Rancas Hermosas a Todos Los Unidos for short."

"UGH! You disgust me! Scram, you worthless piece of metal filled with air that is highly priced and taxed even though it is practically useless!"

"You called me USELESS!? How dare you! You deserve to die!"

John Mayor Blanca Enrique de Las Rancas Hermosas a Todos Los Unidos tackled Master Squid. He blew air in Master Squid's siphon.

"AK! That's cold! Stop! It tickles too."

Master Squid punched John Mayor Blanca Enrique de Las Rancas Hermosas a Todos Los Unidos in the throttle so that he couldn't blow air anymore.

"Ugh! I'm practically useless if I can't blow air! Goodbye, Master Squid! I shall come for you again! Arrrriiiiiibbbbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

 

AND SO ONCE AGAIN, MASTER SQUID HAS SAVED THE DAY! Do you notice how many times the enemy just runs away in this blog?

 

THE END

Master Squid and the Zombie Squid

Master Squid and the Zombie Apocalypse of 2015
Master Squid always loved watching zamobie apocalypse movies and TV shows. He already rewatched the Walking Dead fourteen times, and he couldn't wait until the next episode. He also rewatched Gakuen Mokushiroku Haisukūru obu za Deddo (Highschool of the Dead) fifty-two times.

High School of the Dead

source: www.welovemoviesmorethanyou.com

Master Squid found zombie apocalypses suspenseful and thrilling. What he didn't know was that one was going to happen right after ou read this sentence.
One night, Master Squid was taking a stroll. He couldn't go to sleep (he had too much coffee) and decided that some underwater night-time scenery would help calm his senses. As he walked down the path behind his house, he came across an object. In the darkness he couldn't recognize what it was, so he picked it up and brough it back to his house.
It was...well, I honestly don't even know how to describe it. Just look at the picture.

The Unknown Object

source: oneeyeddoll.storenvy.com

As Master Squid stared at the filthy thing, he noticed that it was alive. It made small scruping noises and shivered on the dining table where Master Squid had placed it. After a while, Master Squid thought it was cute and reached out to pet it. However, the thing bit his hand and then ran out of the house.

"OUCH! Ugh, stupid unknown object! I must punish it. TO THE SQUIDMOBILE!"

Master Squid climbed into the SquidMobile and raced after it. He chased the thing for milliseconds, seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, fortnights, months, years, decades, centuries, milleniums...until it finally stopped. When the thing halted, Master Squid looked up to see why it did. In front of them stood...another unknown thing. But this time...this time, Master Squid could clearly see it.

The Quite Disturbing Object

source: www.funkyjunk.com

 Master Squid gasped. It was...horrifying! What was it? He didn't want to know. He swerved the SquidMobile around and returned home. When he opened the door to enter his cozy house, he found another object sitting in the dark.

"UGH! Honestly, I'm so tired of finding random things! Please stop, Euwan!"

However, Euwan wouldn't stop. Afterall, she had to entertain Gabby somehow and that was through finding random objects via Google. Duhhh. When, Master Squid turned on the light, he saw:

Zombie Squid: You should've seen this coming. It was in the title.

Source: The-Ozzman on deviantart.com

Master Squid gasped. The thing moved closer to him.

"I am the mystical zombie squid from planet Zlgorg-Gruptnaurght. I have come to planet Earth to avenge my uncle: The Social Media Kraken!

A Depiction of the Social Media Kraken

Master Squid gasped again. He personally knew the Social Media Kraken. They had been best friends in middle school. Social Media Kraken wasn't relatively popular back then until that picture of him was released on Instagram back in 1932. It was quite a funny story of how it happened. Social Media Kraken was hanging out near the shoreline on a day when a schoolful of immature children decided to visit the ocean. These children, after a long bus ride, desperately needed to go to the bathroom, and as immature as they were, the peed in the ocean, right on top of Social Media Kraken. Social Media Kraken freaked out and went on a temper tantrum. 

Zombie Squid tackled Master Squid while he was having his flashback. Master Squid snapped out of his flashback and fought with Zombie Squid. They wrestled on the floor. Master Squid punched Zombie Squid, breaking his siphon. Zombie Squid then punched Master Squid in the siphon too, breaking it...again.

"Ouch! I just had that fixed!"

"I'll come back for you next time! Muahahahaha!"

Zombie Squid staggered out of the house, gripping the bloody siphon. 

And once again, MASTER SQUID HAD SAVED THE DAY!

THE END!