Master Squid liked the idea of democracy. I told you that in the story where he fights King George in order to save the US Constitution. Anyway, Master Squid likes to emerse with the American citizens to take polls and votes in order to agree on solutions. Obviously, right now, the Congress is completely dominated by the Republican party (I swear, if Congress gets the government shutdown because of their stupid little Planned Parenthood debate I'm going to vote for Deez Nuts next year), so democracy isn't really in motion.
One day, while watching Fox News (owned and operated by Fox News Network) on the rising polls of Deez Nuts, Master Squid thought 'Why don't I become the president? I thoroughly know how to handle democracy and also, I'd look good in a Brooks River Brothers suit.' And so, Master Squid went online and officially signed up to run for president.
"Now, how do I get my campaign started? How do people get famous? Well, there's rockstars and viners and people who get tumblrweed famous for saying stupid things. Aha! I can become tumblrweed famous! Now, let's see what's trending on tumblrweed."
And so, Master Squid made an account on tumblrweed and went straight to the trending page.
"Hmmm, looks like Donald Shrimpshrump's hair is kind of famous. Now, to make an extremely offensive joke about him that will cause me to become president and have an epic battle against him to win presidency (<-----some extreme foreshadowing there, am I right?)."
"And so, Master Squid made a video of Ronald Shrimp blasting Donald."
Ronald Shrimp Blasts Donald Trump
source: this video belongs to jaimejaime
Master Squid was incredibly proud with himself. The next year, he won the presidency.
"Now, to get ready for my inaugural speech."
Master Squid put on a very fancy Brooks Rivers Brothers suit and went out to the podium.
"Hello, citizens. I am Master Squid, the new president of Insert-Country-Name-Here. I will make sure that this country will prosper and bring democracy to all!"
The crowds exploded with applause and Master Squid beamed with pride. Suddenly, a motorcycle dropped on top of him. The crowd stopped their praise and gasped. Standing on top of the motorcycle on top of Master Squid stood Donald Shrimpshrump. He scowled as he spit on Master Squid's siphon.
"Ew. That's naaaasty, man." Master Squid said with disgust.
"You're nastier, Squid."
"Why do politicians always use the last name for formal ocassions? Like, I'm fine with my first name, thank you."
"You're only saying that, because you want me to call you 'Master', so it sounds like I'm your maid."
"True. True. Oh well. Squid it is."
"Citizens of Insert-Country-Name-Here, I am Donald Shrimpshrump. I deserve to be the rightful ruler-er, president of this country. This insolent vertebrate used tumblrweed to raise his social status online and abused that power to make himself president."
"I'm a invertebrate."
"Shut up."
The crowds threw seahorse eggs at Donald. He became very angry, so he threw the motorcycle at the crowd. But, since Donald Shrimpshrump was very rich, the crowd immediately grabbed at the expensive motorcycle so they can sell it on SEAbay for an unreasonably high price. Donald moved his attention onto Master Squid.
"Heheh, looks like your campaign followers are a little bit busy. Now, to finish you off!"
A sashimi knife appeared out of nowhere along with a gold-plated apron.
"I'm going to eat you with small balls of rice! Delicious!"
Donald Shrimpshrump swung the knife at Master Squid, but Master Squid was too fast for him. He rolled on his side to escape the coming doom and kicked Donald right in the carapace.
"Ow! You insolent fool!"
Donald threw the knife at Master Squid, who couldn't dodge his attack. The knife struck his siphon.
"Ouch! Euwan, STOP MAKING THE ANTAGONISTS BREAK MY SIPHON!"
Obviously, Euwan enjoyed breaking siphons too much so she fixed the story to make it so that Donald had thrown 7498457619837474 sashimi kinves at Master Squid's siphon.
"GODAMMIT! I hate you, Euwan."
"STOP TALKING TO THE AUTHOR! SHE CONTROLS OUR VERY ACTIONS IN THIS RANDOM, USELESS BLOG SO THERE'S NO POINT IN PLEADING FOR HER MERCY!" Donald Shrimpshrump yelled.
Euwan, being very pleased with Donald's comment, gave (or 'wrote') him a kotatsu.
"I don't need a heated bed, Euwan. I think you meant katana, not kotatsu."
Euwan, fustrated by her failure, instantly killed Donald.
"Why did you do that?" asked Master Squid.
Euwan typed: Because, you are the main character, Master Squid. You need to live so that there may be more posts on this random, useless, insulting, non-rewarding blog. I will not allow you to die to such an insolent fool such as Donald Shrimpshrump.
"Ah. Thank you, then."
Master Squid faced the crowd, which had decided that it would give the motorcycle to Gubby Fishburger, who needed the money to sue her kidnapper (this court trial will become a story, don't worry, gabby).
"I will not be accepting the position as president. It is true that I used cruel and insulting way to gain this position. Therefore, my position as president will go to none other than Bernie SAND, the most honorable person here. Bernie, I hope you make sure that democracy spreads through the entire country."
And so, Master Squid saved the day again. Well, actually, he caused the problem and Euwan saved the day but whatever.
The End
